lost and found

i had not seen her in 13 years. as i waited for her to pick me up at the airport in houston, i tried to be nonchalant. and yet, i did not know what to do with my hands, my feet, my brain that refused to wind down. she called on my cell and said my name like i think only she does. like an assurance. she said she had not been able to concentrate at work since 2:00 pm - abt the time i got on the plane. it was 6:30 pm now and she was in the airport parking lot.
i did not see her walk into the terminal but she was there when i turned around. and i had imagined i would run to her, squeeze her within an inch of her life - i did none of that. instead i walked over to her in measured steps, hugged her calmly like a composed lunatic. she kept staring at me. it was clear that she could not match my current face to the mental image she had of me, and as for me, overcome by some morbid shyness, i could not look into her eyes for the next half hour.

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in the four days that followed, however, i rubbed her sore feet (= killer shoes + salsa) on the terrace of the sky bar as security hollered at us to clear out at 2 am, struggled to fit her into a corset and did her eye make-up for a costume party - things i never thought i would ever be doing. and i am sure neither did she.

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at night, she'd come to say goodnight. in the morning i'd wake up and tip toe over to her room. she would pat the bed next to her and i'd flop down. then she would tell me what was on her mind.
at keema, she got out of her car so that i could park it for her. and i smiled inwardly. after all these years, she was still relying on me. it felt good to be in charge that way again. like i was when we were children.

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after coming home from the m bar on that friday night, i was waiting for M to get out the shower and dozed off from exhaustion. she came over and put a coverlet on me. later, she said: you still sleep like a little baby... all curled up with deep affection in her eyes.
in the car, while waiting at the grocery store, she said: so why does *that song* get you? when i just smiled, i believe she knew.

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every time we were alone, she told me a little bit more about her. revealing herself and the past 13 years in minute bits and pieces - but i was touched how she was delineating the roles that me and M played in her life. i was glad to have her trust without even asking after all these years.

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we never did spend a lot of time together in school. she was always in a different section but i knew all along that she liked me better than most of my other friends. this time, when she showed me photos of us in school, i could not believe how unsightly i was. no wonder she had trouble seeing me as i am now. at one point, while i was fixing her pc, she said: i know now why i missed you so much all these years. you are so sweet. you know exactly what to say, how to say it, when to ask, when to keep quiet. you just know. that is probably the biggest compliment i have received in my life thus far.

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she called from the costume party and began to tell me where the food was so that we could have dinner. i made her hang up the phone. on the last night, she said: let's have a slumber party in my room - we'll talk all night. we declined because we would have to get up at 5 am for the early flight (it was already 3). as soon as we turned the lights out, she came in and stood at the foot of the bed - as expectant as a little girl trying to get into her parents' bed in the middle of the night. we made room for her immediately, giggling like school girls.

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on the day i was leaving, she wanted to park at the airport instead of just dropping me off. in the few moments before i checked in, she confessed that the costume party had not been an office obligation. that she had wanted to go, with Thiemen. i smiled and told her it was all ok. but i did not really understand why she had to tell me at all. when i told my sis, she got it immediately: because she had also wanted to be with you at the same time. then it made perfect sense.

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she kissed me on the cheeks slowly three times, turned and walked away. later, she called me from the road after she had had time to compose herself.